Debating is a popular, formalised pursuit amongst most of the World’s Universities. Two teams, or ‘societies’, go head to head, arguing for or against a preconceived notion. For example, “Abortion should be banned”.

At the end of the debate, an independent adjudicator announces the winner based on the perceived quality of their reasoning and presentation.

Like most things cultivated within the World of Academia, this practice has little use in the real world.

Why?

Because no one wins an argument.

Unfortunately, when two opposing viewpoints collide in real life, there tends to be no impartial third party to declare a victor. There is but just two people. Two entrenched mental models. And two fragile egos.

Even if you have irrefutable data, logic, reasoning, and moral high ground on your side, you won’t change a person’s point of view they’ve chosen to defend through argument.

So this letter’s message, Reg, is don’t bother.

Instead, if you find yourself in an argument, do one of two things:

1) Stop: you’re wasting your energy and time by getting involved in an argument. There’s opportunity cost to that effort. Rory Sutherland said, “Our whole society values and even breeds people who can win arguments at the expense of the creatives who solve problems.”

2) Empathise: if you really feel it’s in your interest to influence the thinking of the other person, show them you appreciate and understand their point of view, even though it’s different to yours. Their ego may weaken, and you may plant a seed of thought into their mind that’ll grow & mature into a viewpoint that looks more like yours.